I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
