After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize