I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My dick has a subreddit
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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