Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
