I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
