I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
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I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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