There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
