I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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