Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
