she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I cut my penus on the lid.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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