She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
