They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
