she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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