Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
