just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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