I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
3 2 1 whiskey
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
