I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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