Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
