I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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