the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
