his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
