Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
