Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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