Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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