I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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