I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
