he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
