I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
