She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
