she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
