I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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