I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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