dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
