I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
did you just send me my own nude
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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