Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
