upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
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