I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
