dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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