My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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