So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
