Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
