Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
