I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
