so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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