A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize