Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
