I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize