I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
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Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
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What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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