Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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