if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
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This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
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I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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