Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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