There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
