All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
