She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
