Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
