I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
