why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
