Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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