I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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