...so i touched it.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
