I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
