but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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