just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
