Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
